BATES HOTEL
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moon phases � |
I really do get tired of writing about the same thing all the time, but it really overshadows everything much of the time. After my last entry things were what they usually are, disfunctional. Then, tuesday night, rainman comes out with a brief comment that he doesn't want to be a disfunctional family anymore. This after he was off and we had finished rebuilding some planter boxes and to all outward appearences had a "normal" day. I suppose this was a cryptic response to my note about his payperview choices. I simply said that would require doing something and he said it would need not doing some things.
I doubt this next paragraph will suprise anyone familiar with this situation. For any newcommers, this is really funny in a sick sort of way.
Twenty four hours later.....rainman was off on wednesday also, and the day was non threatening in general. In the evening I noticed rainman was behaving as if he had been drinking on the sneak. I said nothing and filed it under same old, same old. After A was in bed I decided to sit and practice knitting which I have been relearning recently. Well, rainman sat there watching me and laughing hysterically. I found this very annoying, and said as much to him and that the next time he is learning a new skill I will sit and laugh hysterically at him. I guess the whole idea of his wife knitting was too much for him, why I don't know. You would think I had never so much as picked up any kind of craft or practical sewing before. (I only make a zillion thing for the house and stuffed animals, clothes and a quilt for A and intended on doing craft fairs this summer...) I imagine if I were to paint again he would roll on the floor and get a belly cramp from all the laughter. I am supposed to be exactly who I was twenty years ago so long as it suits what he wants. It seems it has nothing whatsoever to do with me.
Yesterday he came home from work with a pair of running shorts. He said if he runs he will stop doing stupid things. Was he referring to the previous nights fiasco?? Then while I was knitting he wanted me to show him how to do it. Schizophrenia comes to mind here. Palsy of the soul, perhaps....
There is a part of me that almost feels sorry for him. Until I think about how many things I am not doing in my life that I would like to because of the way he is poisoning what at one time was a decent relationship. Anger by far prevails in the long run. He has wasted too many years for sympathy to last in this situation.
I am reminded of movies where the battered woman takes revenge in the cleverest ways.
written at 8:29 p.m.
2001-05-11
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