FLY WITH THE VULTURES
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moon phases � |
Ten days later and still on roughly the same ground. I do think rainman is catching on to the fact that I am not going to sit around waiting for him to do the mumbo jumbo that he "needs" to do. I sometimes even wonder if he hasn't found his way into this diary by accident. He is totally in a technological retardation condition, so it is very unlikely. Could he have occasional lucid moments?!?
He made one of his awesome aweful shit in the face errors the other day with A. Sunday, I decided to work on painting the living/dining room and made some progress. Rainman was spending "time" with A and planted an apple tree. In the eveing, rainman was supposed to be giving A a bath, but just wasn't getting to it. I went ahead and started the bathwater and A found this soothing after the agitation of daddy. He has this whole energy of action for no other reason but action with her and I think it is very disturbing to her. He makes all kinds of physical attacks and it is very disrespectful and disruptive. Anyway, I drew the bath and left him to the details. Afterward, it was clear that he had been drinking and there was some issue that came up after A was out of the tub that resulted in her crying. As close as I can get from A, she believes that daddy hit her on the check. He says she hit him and he told her not to. He knows how to edit reality, she doesn't. She will learn quickly from him.
My bottom line on this is A believes she was hit. She talked about it days later. If this was a momentary misunderstanding she wouldn' have brought it up unprovoked two days later. She acted similarly to when rainman yelled at me in front of A. She has a real issue here.
Later(6:30pm) he is sitting in his chair falling asleep. I commented on it and he claimed his eyes hurt (I am getting sick just writing this).
Fast forward. The rains moved in and rainman was off yesterday and there was really nothing that could be done from the to do list. This was sort of Ok since I had to food shop since the coop veg order didn't work out for this week. I also needed to get out of this house since it is feeling like a prison. No aide=No life. Well, I guess my remark about his sleepiness did something. He was talking about wanting to change and wanting to get healthy and write (blah, blah, blah). This does not seem like unrealistic goals, what is stopping him from achieving? I have become worse than cynical, I am somewhat bitter, I can taste it.
Current time. This morning as rainman was leaving for work he stated he is trying to be supportive. (After I had to deal with a leaking urinary catheter and the related mess in the bed of a physically helpless 85 year old called my mom). Bust out the violins, the man is hearing music and can't help himself. I just can't help thinking "dipshit".
OK, so are you completely sick yet or what? This evening the phone rings and it is my cousin. Her mother, my father's sister, is in the hospital and having colon surgery tomarrow to remove a cancerous mass. According to B the docs say everything will be OK, no radiation, no chemo. But guess who gets to break the news to my stressed out high strung dad....??? I do not need another job right now?... although maybe the messenger will be shot....
AAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!
I took A to Sam's point this afternoon. Wow, did I need that. It is so strange, the scrub pines and snow white rocks and the vast views. I took my camera along and something went wrong. The battery went dead or the film jammed or something. Either way it was excellent to get out. A jumped in puddles and we brought back blue stone "chalk boards" and small stones to write on them with. We could see and hear Verkeerderkill falls from nearly two miles away, it has rained so much in the past couple of days. We saw a deer on the side of the trail and stood on rocks above the level of the soaring turkey vultures. Strange to see the birds from above! All this five minutes from home...I am living under such restriction that going somewhere so close is so precious.
Christy offered her husband as a sperm donor....he is cute but not quite tall enough. Blond with blue eyes though. We are going to her house tomarrow since our playgroup at school is not meeting. Trying to maintain rythmn for the children (moms too).
written at 8:17 p.m.
2001-05-24
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