WHERE DO I BELONG
|
moon phases � |
Mamma Bear said something to me this evening in a very long psychoanalytic (for her) phone conversation that just left me thinking. I mentioned to her that I have been in touch with Elio. You see, she knew him way back when too. She and I have been friends since the third or fourth grade. When I mentioned our renewed contact she said to me, "don't forget where you belong". UGH, is that an issue to be wrestled with, or what. Mama Bear does not know the details of my jaded existence at this point. She has enough to deal with being a single mom haunted by a psychopathic exhusband trying to raise two kids to not be completely fucked up even though she is. I must admit the statement threw me for a loop.
I am extremely tired. Rainman came home at nearly eleven thirty last night (he works til ten and has a twenty minute to half hour drive). I had forgotten to unlock the storm door so I had to let him in. He then stayed up for quite a while doing...I was very concerned about his late arrival. He came to bed and displayed all the signs and symptoms of alcohol. I got very little sleep last night.
Stage set for pondering Mamma Bear's statement. Where do I belong? Do I stay in the marriage for the sake of the child (live a lie... what an example)? Do I find a way to work with my strengths and live a relatively happy life? Do I die of dispair, not knowing what to do?
Mamma Bear meant this as I should remain with Rainman. She withstood a horrific relationship well beyond the tolerance of a saint. I try not to have martyr characteristics.
Rainman left for work this morning without so much as a good morning or goodbye. Guilt, perhaps?
Something to think about....
written at 8:27 p.m.
2001-06-17
Miss something?
- - January 26, 2009
- - May 26, 2008
- - April 09, 2008
- - January 21, 2008
- - November 24, 2007