SWEAT IT
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moon phases � |
Heatwave induced trance. Damp emotions weighed down with menstrual blood. Droning insects overlayed with whinning fans.
Gotta shake my head to even type. Rainman returned to work yesterday and the heat cranked up another notch. I actually took refuge in the shade, very unlike my sunsign self, it must have been hot. A record breaker throughout the area I understand. My hair hasn't been dry thouroughly in days, the pool water is amniotic. It is no wonder I am dreaming with my eyes open.
The two days rainman was off were both tolerable and aggravating. The heat left no alternative but to veg out. I found this annoying since there were things he claimed he would do. I just would like it if he would think before speaking. He did accomodate A's need to make a birthday for me which was good, not that I really needed a cake. A enjoyed playing in the pool with someone other than predictable me.
I found myself in a strange hyper reality since I began to bleed on wednesday. I knew something was up when I became profoundly tired tuesday night. Well, call me sensitive, or imaginative, but on wednesday rainman was tossing A around in the pool and she was loving every minute of it so she says "again, again". Rainman says the next kid doesn't watch teletubbies. Pardon me, but what next kid, isn't fucking a prerequisite to making babies, how young do you think we are asshole??? UGH, is it me here or is this guy in the twilight zone. I gotta tell you, he, I suppose, thought he would be doing me a great service by trying to seduce me on my birthday. Well, it ain't that simple even if I pretend. Damned good thing I passed out from hormonal sedation. It could have gotten ugly or uselessly emotional.
I must say that this whole degradation of a relationship has highlighted how simple it is for things to get fucked up and how hard it is to fix it. The pitiful part is I can't even say for sure I want to fix it. Trust is a very skittish creature and she has been driven from this house.
written at 8:50 p.m.
2001-08-10
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