AMPUTATION?
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moon phases � |
Damn, I would think that after having a C-section while awake and years of the monthly red tide I would be able to handle a bit of blood out of my hand. One of my "murder weapon" knives got stuck in the dishwasher and as I was trying to get it out it suddenly let go and made a rather enthusiastic attempt at cutting off my left thumb. This whole thing would have been a bit easier to handle on an empty stomach,but of course, we had just finished dinner. I did not scream. I did bleed alot. I did break a sweat and feel a bit woozy. It did need stiches but I will have none of that and the accompaniment tetnus shot. I had to send my father to the pharmacy for butterfly bandages to hold the whole mess together. He was a bit freaked out since I am the helper, not the helped. I am sitting here typing with two butterflys and a very green tree frog tattoo bandaid holding the whole mess together. It hurts wicked bad if I move it the wrong way and itches on and off. I dosed myself with yarrow tincture and held my arm up to the point of numb. I will need echinacea for a bit to prevent infection since my first "bandage" was a yucky dishtowel. A is such a gore monger, she loved every minute of the ordeal.
Speaking of physical ordeals, A had her four year old check up today and I didn't realize a booster immunization was part of the deal. I still feel really weird about immunizations on the whole and this is the first one she got since she stopped nursing. She is dealing with this one without my smartboobs for help. If anything is going to blossom it will probobly take about a week. She was really brave and only cried a little bit.
Otherwise, I am finding myself very tense. I am not sure if it is just the whole cheerleader role I am in my realationship with my parents or another wave of emotional dispair. I realized last night that my regularly experienced range of emotion is very narrow. There is very little in the happy, joy, love department and plenty in the depressed, angry, worn out range. I suspect that the lack of an adult relationship with rainman is a contributing factor here. Ok, it seems the guy is staying on the wagon, but he still is not participating in life in this house. He actually made a statement that he wanted to be more than the guy whole takes up half the bed but nothing is happening to back up those words. Conversation would be nice, yatta yatta yatta.... I won't get redundant.
I have been threatening to just go away, and I am damned close to doing just that. The main reservation I have is leaving A with someone who can't deal with her on shortterm. It is not fair to her if I go off for a day and rainman can't be reasonable. I know she would survive and I know I need to reamin healthy but....
Well, typing hurts so I will go lay in bed with my hand over my head and hope I get some quality sleep.
written at 8:41 p.m.
2001-08-16
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