PEACH FUZZ
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moon phases � |
Ya, uh huh, right....
If I didn't get so damned pissed at things sometimes I would just freak out and do something really stupid. Part of me would like to just get the fuck out and live life while I have some to live. My heart won't let me though. My kid needs me and I love her more than words can contain. My parents, even thought they drive me nuts with their problems and needs, need me and won't be around that much longer. The people I care about far outnumber the pain in the ass in my life.
So what is a girl to do?? AAAHHHH, how many times have I asked that question? Still no answer.
Rainman was off the past two days and I can say nothing really happened. I can't even remember what happened on thursday right now...scary shit. Yesterday was fun because I made some goat milk mozzerella, yummy. It took me most of the day because I made two pounds, which takes two gallons of milk and the milk was from the previous night so I took the time to pasturize it. I am getting a bit sick of looking at my kitchen, but the cheese came out great. It was also very nice to see the goats. They are the coolest earthiest animals.
I think the reason I can't remember what happened on thursday is because I spent most of the day peeling peaches. Must be, I think peach fuzz causes brain fuzz. The peach tree in the back yard will be the death of me.
Ah, the point....yesterday rainman went along for the goat milk pick up. He seemed somewhat enchanted by the animals. Last night rainman did one of his "I want to do fun things like goats and stuff..." lines and left me with that bitter after thought of, "should I even flirt with believing any of this??"
How many times am I supposed to swollow this stuff?? Why can't this guy, after twenty years just be honest and real?? I have no idea what it is that motivates him to say things he seems to have no intention of following through on. The only thing I can come up with is the obvious "men will do anything for a fuck" philosophy. If that is the case than truely ALL men are scum (I know there may still be a few exceptions, but....). Unfortunately this guy ain't getting laid any time soon because he just doesn't know how to bullshit someone who knows him so well.
Maybe what he is afraid of is the fact that I do know him so well. I can see through much of what he does mainly from familiarity. At this point I am the one he has lived with the most years and I am the one who knows when he scratches his ass and how much toilet paper he uses. Maybe the guy is squemish about familiarity. I have always said he treats me the way a teenager treats their mother, isn't the familiarity part of the contempt teenagers have for their mothers. The familiarity is embarrasing.
Grow up, dude.
written at 8:21 p.m.
2001-09-01
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