GRATITUDE DAY
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moon phases � |
Hummm, just thinking....what the hell am I supposed to be thankful about tomorrow?? Should I feel good about a his-story of oppression and violence. Should I cook all day and clean up the dishes while men have the day off to watch football and take up space on the couch.
Not.
I will fondle the earth that provided veggies this past summer. I will turn my sleepy compost pile. I will create something positive (which requires ignoring you know who).
Unfortunately, I will also make a meal that is a tradition. Not because I want to, but because my elderly parents find comfort in it. I also find that A. is sensitive to the cultural energy and knows something is up. I would rather focus on the stuff that really means something. I will eventually. My parents are 86 this year. How much longer can it last....
As for rainman, Ha. He came out with a plea for conversation the other night and I told him to talk to me when I was awake. The follwing morning we took A. to school and I suggested going for coffee. He had nothing to say until we were driving home and then he only wanted me to tell him if we could have a relationship. Deep subject, buddy. I regularly answer "I don't know". Not because I don't want to deal with it, but because I really don't know. Shit, how can I say yes or no to something so throughly fucked up? I don't trust this guy at all, how can I say I can still relate? Then he gets into this "you say we never talk" line. I never said we had to have earth shattering conversations, friends just talk about stuff. There is an ease. It was there once...I guess he doesn't remember. I don't have huge hopes.
Had a bit of correspondence with Elio. He is busy and doing well. He seems to be feeling the lack of intimacy in his life too. He is fairly recently divorced and busy with his career but.... He is very sensitive to what I say in our notes and that is nice...Too bad there are more miles than are realistic....
Just a thought for everyone who may not realize....Thanksgiving day is a day of mourning for native people. Remember that the native world was anhilated as a result of columbus and the pilgrams....Not too romantic, eh?
written at 8:41 p.m.
2001-11-21
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