RENEWAL
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moon phases � |
RENEWAL.
Spring time. A time of renewal, right? Seems to make sense, what with the flowers poking up out of the half frozen ground. All that bird song at dawn. And don't forget, the skunks running around all over looking for a good lay only to get bonked by a passing pick up truck.
I usually feel renewal is a good idea around this time of year. I get to go outdoors more often. Air my thoughts and armpits out. A very refreshing time of year, overall.
I think the fatal flaw in the past several springs for me has been a somewhat subtle one. I suspect I fell into a fugue state wherein I thought renewal only applied to established things. You know, like renewing a library book or, maybe, a drivers license. All very practical and also very predictable. I inadvertatly dug myself into redundancy.
I would now like to explore the notion of renewal as new life. The flower that has slept and dreamed through winter emerges as a new plant. This spring the plant will have slightly different shaped leaves and a stronger perfume. Maybe the birds will sing the same song, but they will sing it to a new partner. The skunks will no longer live under a barn in the backwoods of the northeast. CHANGE.
With all this in my head and heart I went for a short hike yesterday while A. was in school. I took some photos and reconnected with my innervision. I realized there are really only two things in this life that make me unhappy. One is not having enough money to do it all easily. The other is rainman. I considered telling him this but decided it was a bad idea. I have already resolved to not get myself into anymore useless monologues. No matter how philosophical and communicative I may become rainman will not hear me clearly (or he won't remember).
I am sure after all this time that rainman is incapable of change. Not sustained change. He may change his mind about something. He may change his underwear. Change in a big way ain't happening in this guys corner of the universe. He, like so many people, fears change. Change to this average mind is very threatening. There is no adventure in this type of soul. Safty first is the changless one's battle cry.
Change is the natural order of things whisper the Maiden, Mother, and Crone. Change is what makes us strong and whole Grandmother time sings. Change is who you will become chants sister Death.
Listen.
written at 8:43 p.m.
2002-03-07
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