ANOTHER LONG (STRANGE) TRIP....
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moon phases � |
ANOTHER, LONG (STRANGE) TRIP.....
It would be nice if I still had a sense of humor....but given that I don�t .....
Where did I leave off.....OH, I remember, it was after one of those nasty late night smells.
Time gets funny for me, given that so much of it looks alike and the remainder is something I would rather not be aware of.
Oh, so we will resume my sad tale on the evening that I asked rainman what was wrong with his statement that he had � beaten the drinking thing� and it was twenty four hours later and he seemed very much engaged in alcohol..
The man quickly became very aggressive. ANGRY. UGLY.
To make a long story short, he stated that the reason he drank again was because I had gotten �all bent out of shape� about his therapist calling and suggesting that I attend a session. ( I would have liked to hear this invitation from rainman not a complete stranger.). If I am not mistaken here I am the blame in that exchange.....should I feel good about this. Should I go along with this....should I believe that he has �it beaten�?
Then Spaceman came to visit. Ill timed ,perhaps. It all doesn�t matter in the long run. Face it folks there is no happy ending lurking at the end of this tale. Spaceman came to visit and all was status quo. I feel bad that he comes into this dysfunctional thing but then when he goes off about how he doesn�t give a shit about anything because he has a stressful job or how he wants to break up with his girlfriend because she need a little extra support because her parents are old and need her attention.......do I detect a traitor here?? This is someone who needs to look again at reality. He has the option to move or change jobs. He is unmarried, childless, not the primary caregiver for his elderly parents.....What the fuck is sooo fucking difficult??? A government job that is saturated in bullshit, hell, he should have known that when took a job with government.....
I am not trying to be the most suffering contestant. As a matter of fact I am sickened by my state of existence most of the time. It just struck me as strange that someone who was being very supportive showed such self pitying disillusionment.
Reality check. Rainman was on �vacation� for the past week. At no time was relationship noted nor was there an exchange of ideas. No emotion was noted or vulnerability seen. To the most casual observer no hint of involvement would have been observed. A week of complete avoidance would have been the obvious notion.
There is a part of me that wonders how long this can go on. There is another part of me that dreads how long it will go on. I have done my homework when it comes to divorce. It takes time and there are only long dark hallways to traverse. I have no resources at this point so hiring a lawyer is out of the question.
I have considered the possible benefit of rainman having a nasty accident on his way home one night. The life insurance would be a boon.
I listened to Bruce Springsteen�s new album today, The Rising. Excellent stuff!
LONG TRIP.....NO LONGER STRANGE.....
written at 8:34 p.m.
2002-09-08
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