I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE.
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moon phases � |
THE END OF MY ROPE.
I have reached it. I have. Today is the seventh day that rainman has not been home/available. He drove A. to school on Tuesday and Thursday, in essence seeing the child for about one hour max. Otherwise he has been off working/absent for seven days.
He works two jobs you see. I told him I was having trouble writing checks on what he was depositing in the bank. He has been depositing the same amount in the bank for at least four years. No increase, although costs rise regularly. It got to a point where no matter how creative I was I just couldn�t pay all the bills. He got another job. The same amount is deposited in the bank. What is the point/benefit of this second job. I would question if it exists but I did actually see a check on one or two occasions. I can�t say for sure if all the time is accounted for though.
I took A. to Magrit�s house today. More for an adult playdate than for her to have a playdate. The two of Magrit�s boys that A. would like to play with are in school �all day�. We were sitting outside and somehow it came up and I asked A. if daddy said he would be home for dinner (I have to ask her??!!...). A. answered that daddy would be home for dinner. We got home and I rushed off to give my mom her insulin and I finally played the answering machine. There was a message from rainman saying he wouldn�t be home and he didn�t know if he told me.
FUCK YOU!
It was too late to call the stupid fuck and speak my mind and it wouldn�t be a good idea with A. in listening distance.
I wrote the jerk a note.
It reads:
I DID NOT GET YOUR MESSAGE ABOUT NOT BEING HOME UNTIL 5:15PM. I HAD ASKED A. IF YOU WOULD BE HOME FOR DINNER EARLIER IN THE DAY AND SHE THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE.
YOU ARE A COMPLETE FUCK.
IF THERE IS NO COMMUNICATION (AT LEAST) IT IS OVER.
I am leaving this note and maybe he will find it when he gets home tonight. Maybe not. Considering that he got lost in the dark in our bedroom again the other night indicates it is a 50/50 chance. As a matter of fact the other night he was so disoriented that he plunked a pillow down on my head at 2am. If I hadn�t already been awakened by his fumblings in the dark, I would have sworn he was going to suffocate me.
I can�t keep up appearances anymore for A. I am gearing up for explaining to her that sometimes grownups can�t get along or live together.
I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE.
written at 8:39 p.m.
2002-09-20
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