THE SOUND OF SILENCE
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moon phases � |
THE SOUND OF SILENCE.
This past week has been pure hell. When A. developed the chicken pox I had been working into a strange nonspecific virus. I have been bone tried and dizzy for over a week now. Of course, the whole week was busier than the mall on black friday.
Fuck.
Things have been peaking in terms of the rot called my marriage. I won't go into too much detail but something was brought to my attention midweek and I left rainman a note that if there is to be no communication he should sleep in the guest room. He did not comply and at midnight I was not about to make a scene. The following morning he huffed out of here as if I had suggested he was Hitler. He completely side stepped the real issue, which was mainly driving around with a child while getting drunk. He focused on other less concrete issues. It has been very quiet since.
Last night I finally kicked him out of the bed. I had been very busy all day and felt like I would fall over any minute when I went into the kitchen to find he had left every surface, including the table, covered with wet dishes. I got a bit pissed given I get up at 6am and I prefer not to put every dish I own away before I can have my tea. Besides we have a dishwasher. Anyway, not to sound petty but it was the "stick that broke the camel's back". I let him know I will do the cooking a dishes myself because then I at least know they are done and won't be haunting me in the morning. I told him he can sleep in the guest room until something changes around here.
It has been very quiet today and I expect it to stay that way. I don't think he really wants to change. If it was really important to him I think he would at least try to talk. Make a gesture or something.
A. knows something is wrong. It breaks my heart to think of how confusing this is for her. She has a fever and sore throat so she may not focus too much for a day or two.
I am very concerned that something is wrong with me. A virus would normaly be getting better by now. I am dizzy most of the time. I am exhausted all of the time. I need to rest. Truely rest, not sit for an hour or two. With A. sick I probably won't get my tuesday off this week. I don't think A. will be able to go home with her friend that day.
The computer is spinning. Goodnight.
written at 8:03 p.m.
2002-11-10
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