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THANKFUL

The current mood of greenwitch at www.imood.com

moon phases

THANKFUL?

When it comes to miserable holidays, I think I have reached a new level. I have mastered the MISERABLE level and will receive a hair shirt within two weeks.

I cooked, although my head was literaly spinning. I got through it although I would have liked to walk out.

Am I thankful.....I love my daughter more than anything I can begin to imagine. Other than that.... I am in a situation of waiting. I wait for the opportunitiy to move on. I wait for obligation to expire.

Call me cruel. Call me a bitch (I am sure my husband does). If you care at all, call me desperate.

Some of you might even call me stupid. Geeze, who would sit around cleaning every asshole in sight and not snap out of it and just stop. DUH, I have a soft heart....

STUPID, I know.

I am a naturally happy person. I am the one most likely to be accused of being tolerant and upbeat.

I am miserable.

I am totally annoyed with myself.

Mostly because I am not happy.

Rainman did everything in his power to avoid me for most of the day today. This is endearing? He sleeps in the guest room and he lives his life in his little cave and he will continue to do so. I hesitated to kick him out of the bed for that reason. He is so isolated that it is a boon to be sleeping elsewhere. He lives in his head and nothing can come close to that. if I were to insist that he move out he would without a second thought. It would be easier that way (his perspective).

I hurt. I don't want to rethink things at 42.

I don't want to explain to a child why it is what it is.

I would like to have a nich of peace.

I can dream, can't I?

Happy Thanksgiving. Please remember that to the natives of this continent today is a day of mourning. Nothing good came to this land with the pilgrims. We should be thankful that the earth has tolerated us thus far......

written at 8:59 p.m.
2002-11-28

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