RELATIONSHIPS
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moon phases � |
RELATIONSHIPS.
Sometimes it seems that just about every woman I know is having, has had, or may soon have major marriage problems. I sometimes wonder if it is our age group. Being 40ish or more. Having been in a marriage for many years.
Last night I took the kids to the Mistress of the Haven to be disbudded (stop those pesky horns from growing). Normally her husband would do this job but he is being downright mean. He refuses to do anything on the farm. He nearly hit her the other night and then spit in her face. He tells her she is ugly with only one breast and an arm bloated by lymphedema. He cannot see the beauty of her survival.
Maggie has been seperated from her spouse for a while now. They seem to have a working solution to the inability to live together. He couldn't see her way of gardening. He just plowed through all her projects. They had drifted apart.
Magrit is chugging along in her second marriage. Her husband laughs at everything. He laughs at serious conversation. He parrots his parents thinking. He rubs Magrit the wrong way.
Pucci is questioning whether she should just leave before it is too late. Everything about her relationship with her husband is grey. There is no spice and he expects her to do more than there is time for in the day. It is her penance for being a "housewife". She is raising two children. She is acting as his secretary. This isn't enough?
Mama Bear has been divorced for several years now. She is much better off emotionally although her ex hasn't had a job in eighteen months. That means no child support for the two kids. He does this on purpose like he sprayed windex in his own face and then called the police to report that his wife had attacked him with the windex. I remember receiving the panicked call that she might end up in jail and would I please take care of her kids.
There are other women friends who seem to be doing OK.
But right now it seems these situations are so VIVID.
Rainman sleeps in the guest room without a word. He reeked of alcohol this morning. Nothing makes an impression on him.
I think my conversation with the Mistress rings very true. It is all nice for folks to say "get out, leave" but that is not always easy. There are living beings that have to be cared for and sorted out. There are legal issues. There are children who don't understand why the world is sideways. There is the simple fact that most women suffer a profound dip in their standard of living after divorce while most men experience an increase in their standart of living. The kids get shuffled and shafted in many cases.
There are no EASY decisions.
written at 8:31 p.m.
2003-05-21
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