WISDOM
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moon phases � |
WISDOM.
Something I have always wanted to have is wisdom. The wisdom not to make stupid mistakes. The wisdom to take care of myself. The wisdom to see what is real not what I would like to see.
We live in a culture that does not value it's elders. We live in a culture that does not value wisdom. Wisdom DOES come with age. Wisdom is what gives us 20/20 hindsight.
20/20 hindsight. Oh baby, do I have alot of that. At this moment I have so much hindsight it is hard to see what it right in front of me.
A nearly six year old little girl stands before me. She wonders why Mommy cries in the kitchen. She hangs out with grandpa ( I assume because she isn't sure what to do with me). I regret that I don't have time to spend with her. I am too busy trying to fix everything that is broken. I am too busy trying to find a way out of this mess. A way out that won't fuck over my little girl or my elderly parents. I am so busy doing other things that life is passing me by. I am very sad about this. I should be pissed but I am so fucking tired.
I have cried so much today that I have a pain in my left shoulder and ribcage. I don't know what it is. I asume it is from gulping sorrow as I cry. I planted floweres with A. today even though it hurt like hell.
Dinner is ready, I will eat with my baby.
written at 5:20 p.m.
2003-07-01
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