I DREAMED I WAS HALLUCINATING
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moon phases � |
IDREAMED I WAS HALLUCINATING.
I have been trying to update for a long time and everytime I get going my computer locks or the power goes out from all the thunderstorms. I am going to make a mighty effort to get this one posted.
I am still bone cracking exhausted and have realized part of the reason is I am always tense because if I relax I will start to cry and may not be able to stop. I have been keeping anger in check for A's sake although it is tough sometimes.
To just bring everyone up to speed on Rainman....he has gotten a prescription for a medication that will cause him to get sick if he drinks. The doctor prescribed this stuff with the intention of it being a part of a program not THE program to correct his self-destructive/indulgent behavior. He has decided that all he needs is this medicine to "break" his "bad habit". He is not going to do anything else. Now, you can call me a pessimist here if you like, but it is my opinion he will take this stuff and the presciption will run out he will then have a short period where he doesn't drink followed by a downward spiral back to where he has been for twenty years.
Enough said about that.
I am trying to get through the daily must do stuff and still not fall over. The farmer's market is going well but the time it takes to make all that cheese is daunting at times. My Mom's home health aide is out for surgery and the replacement is nothing more than a body. My mother was so groggy Sunday morning I wondered what was up. When I took her blood pressure the diastolic reading was rather low. I told my father not to give her her blood pressure medicine and let her rest. She seems better today. Those kinds of decisions are terribly heavy. A. is still showing signs of anxiety. I did take her to the county fair in an effort to spend some "normal" time together. She had fun and we saw the 4H kids showing their goats. A. wants to show Rainbow next summer. I am very dizzy again and I wonder if another ear infection is trying to kick in. This damp weather sure doesn't help. I may go to the doctor on my mother's appointment wednesday morning if it doesn't get better just to see if there is fluid in there.
I did dream I was hallucinating last night. A very strange sensation. I knew I was dreaming and that I was hallucinating a woman who was part of a door (she was kind of like imbedded in the door). The door may have been my bedroom door, I am not sure. In my knowlege of the hallucination within the dream all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. OK, Freud, figure that one out ("actually rather obvious, my dear").
I really need to try to get some restfull sleep. The laundry is waiting for me, I must make cheese, too much to do to list.
written at 9:16 p.m.
2003-08-04
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