TANTRUMS
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moon phases � |
TANTRUMS.
I am emotionally drained.
A. is having horrible tantrums. This is a six year old who never really had tantrums. She would get frustrated but she never held her breath or screamed uncontrollably until now. I am very concerned. I know there are alot of adjustments and developmental leaps at her age and mood swings are to be expected, but the power behind these outbursts is incredible.
There have been two big blowouts, both while Rainman was home. It seems that A. is not inclined to tantrum when it is just the two of us. Tonight was pretty intense. During A's bath she didn't want her hair washed so Rainman let the water out of the tub and told her she could sit there until she decided to have her hair washed. After a few minutes she said she was ready to have her hair washed and that seemed to be that. After comming out to the living room A. refused to get dressed. She eventually wanted Rainman to put her jammies on her but he refused to cross the living room and do it stating that he had tried to help her get dressed and she wouldn't let him. After A. went into a frenetic running around the house outburst I informed her she had to get ready for bed. She tried to run past me and I picked her up. She fell apart and fought like a wild thing. I held her gently but firmly until she seemed to calm down a bit. When she again refused to get dressed I carried her to her room and left her pajamas on the bed with her to give her an opportunity to do it herself. She freaked out when I left the room and seemed hysterical but wouldn't let me help her. I sat down in the hallway right outside her room and told her I was right there if she needed help. After a few minutes of her screaming and growling I put out my had to her and she collapsed into my lap. She said, after a few minutes, that she couldn't calm down. I held her until she did calm down enough to pick her up and put her on her bed. I got her dressed in her pajamas and carried her to the kitchen for a dose of Rescue Remedy. She wanted me to carry her to brush her teeth so off we went to the bathroom. She wanted me to brush her teeth for her. I got her tucked in and she seems OK now. There was a similar scene on Saturday afternoon and afterwards A. slept for over three hours on the couch.
I explained to A. tonight that I love her very much and that I want to help her. I told her I held her when she was so upset because I didn't want her to hurt herself. I asked her if she knows what is wrong and she says she doesn't know. I told her it is OK to be angry with me for holding her when she didn't want to get dressed and that I love her even if she gets angry with me.
I cried onto the top of her head as I held her on the hallway floor outside her room. This is breaking my heart.
When A. was so hysterical and out of control in her room she kept glancing down the hallway at Rainman who was going about his business as if it were an ordinary night. I think she needs to know where he stands. I think she feels the tension in the air and right now she needs to know that she is safe because she is changing from a little girl to a bigger girl. Everything is scary for her right now and she needs to trust the most intrinsic thing in her life, her family.
After I got A. into bed Rainman asked me if he should have just put A's pajamas on when she wanted him to, could that have avoided the whole tantrum. I told him I don't know but yeah, maybe. I told him she needs to trust him. He asked why she wouldn't and I told him he certainly isn't consistant. He got snippy when I said I don't trust him so what makes him think she would. He doesn't understand that she is with me all the time and she knows he makes me uncomfortable. I am always there for her, if I am uncomfortable she feels it too. I know I should try to keep my feelings about him under control but after all the years it is very hard.
(I hear you folks in the peanut gallery making remarks about just getting the F. out. I have had that thought processs run over and over...)
I am really trying to be a rock for A.. She needs strength around her to protect her while she is so vulnerable. I told her as I said goodnight that she is going to get through this. That she will understand what is bothering her and it will become part of the past. I told her growning up is hard work sometimes and she is doing just fine.
I am going to start crying again, I gotta go now.
written at 8:43 p.m.
2003-11-18
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