DEPRESSION MORPHS TO ANGER
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moon phases � |
DEPRESSION MORPHS TO ANGER.
I did a little research this morning. I checked the history in internet explorer under Rainman's user account on this new computer. Guess what I found?? Nope, no recipes for chocolate chip cookies. Wrong, no search for alcohol abuse problems.
The sick porn shit again. Spanking and other misogynist crap. Teen porn also. I am shaking right now with anger and disgust. I have put tight restrictions on the content that can be viewed on this computer. I should have done that the day I got it but he had stopped on the old machine. Probobly more because the machine locked constantly than he made a choice. He can now only read email on this machine. Speaking of email there was an interesting female sender in there. I have no idea who this girl is but she is local from the email address. He had emptied his trash and sent items boxes so I couldn't find out too much but I will be watching from now on.
I had an epiphany of sorts in the midst of all this. I had been considering giving him notice that he has until the first of the year to clean up or ship out and I was hesitating because it is a financial nightmare to proceed. I realized I can hire a gool lawyer with my IRA money. I won't live to see retirement if I keep living like this so it would be a good investment in the future. I will give him his notice when he relizes he can't go anywhere on line which should happen within 24 hours. I will ask around for a referral to a lawyer. I know they want a $3000 retainer just to let you in the door. I have that easily in my IRA. How I will support us is beyond me right now but I am not supporting us emotionally or psychologically right now. Only struggling financially is one less handicap than I have currently.
Oh, I got a bit nosey around the house and found a list of 12 things Rainman noted as goals for himself. Loving husband/father was number 9 on the list.
These are the things that motivate me.
written at 11:03 a.m.
2003-11-23
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