WHAT A LOVELY DAY (NOT)
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moon phases � |
WHAT A LOVELY DAY (NOT)
Went to cut xmas trees as planned. I was not cheerful but the cold clear air did help a little. We didn't go to our usual spot on a mountainside because the roads were iffy. Wouldn't want to be stuck in a ditch in the catskills on a lazy sunday morning. Brrrrrrrrrr......
Brought the trees home and once I was in an enclosed space again I reverted to angry and depressed. This situation was not improved by the fact that the tree stand leaked water all over because it was cracked as a result of rainman leaving it out on the deck for three months last winter. Plastic doesn't do well through multiple freeze-thaw cycles. My mood toward rainman went straight to hell at that point. He apparantly noticed my displeasure since he actually had a sentence or two to say to me after A. was safely in bed. He claims he has only been able to stay on the wagon for two to six weeks at a shot and that if he can't do it on his own he will do whatever it takes. I have heard things like this before and it is a very good thing I haven't been holding my breath waiting for them to happen. So I made the very concise statement that I am waiting until the new year and will take my IRA money and hire a lawyer because I will not live like this any longer. You know what he did? He walked away for a minute and comes back and says, "am I wrong to think there could be a marriage here. I mean more than living in the same place without disgust?". I hear someone who needs an excuse not to get on the wagon for good. All he needs is for me to say there is no way this marriage can be saved and he will forget about ever changing. He is not doing anything because it is what he wants. He is again doing what he thinks will appease me. I am very convienent to have around. Cooking, laundry, raising the kid, making excuses for him. So, anyway, he says he just wanted me to know. So I said, so now we both know what the other intends to do.
Just wanted to add this little update after my moring crankiness. Fun day huh.
written at 8:53 p.m.
2003-12-07
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