LETDOWN
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moon phases � |
LETDOWN.
All the preperation and planning that goes into christmas is such a drain. Then in a matter of hours it is over. Exhaustion was the main theme of the holiday for me. I was up way too late on tuesday wrapping A.'s presents and stashing them where I could be a silent Santa. Wednesday I was so tired and emotionally unwrapped that I just cried for a long time. I was making pies and the crust wasn't quite right and I just lost it. I have been doing just about everything to satisfy others for so long that I am a wreck. The holiday routine is not my choice. I maintain what my parents have always done because they NEVER change. Change is sacrilegious. Therefore the holidays only mean cooking and cleaning for me - whoopie.
A. had fun although she wasn't feeling well in the morning. She actually wasn't that interested in opening presents right away. She did perk up and was very happy with her things. We put up her fairy bower in her room and put the quilt I made on her bed and it is like she has a new room. She wore the purple velvet dress for two days unless we were going to the barn. I am happy she enjoyed herself.
I am so tired. It is not fair that hormonal drain kicked in just when I no longer had things to do. The bottom totally fell out of my energy. I have done nearly nothing yesterday and today and have been dazed and confused. I feel bad since A. wanted me to play with her and I could barely hold my eyes open all day. I began seeing a bit of red and that relieved the backache but I doubt I will be awake for another day or two.
Not exactly holiday cheer.
written at 8:38 p.m.
2003-12-27
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