HOW DO I LOVE THEM ALL?
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moon phases � |
I want to know, how do I love them all?? I can't quite grasp this thing called humanity. I feel this need to reach out and at the same time I feel a need to protect my own. I get worked up about social issues. I have worked with women in an abortion clinic and seen the reality of women/children who have found themselves with child when they had no intention of being there. I have seen eleven year old girls with learning disabilities who have been raped by their caregivers and have no idea why they need to see the doctor. I have seen forty something year old women who have raised their families and paid their emotional dues only to find out that their husband has not been faithful and his solution is to make her once more dependent and satisfied by way of planting an unwanted child in her belly. I have studied and written for an anti-nuclear newletter and activist group, when the cold war still existed, and cried and cowered at the thought of my family becoming shadows on the pavement. I have held my friends children while their mother went to court to banish an abusive husband/father. I have altered my life to accomodate my elderly parents and wiped my mothers bottom as she wiped mine when I was an infant. I reach out to my friends newly teenaged daughter for fear she will wander aimlessly into adulthood because her mother is overwhelmed by a special needs child and single parenthood. I listen to those around me with an acute ear and try to hold the truth of those I love close enough that I can give something of value back. I hurt and I am joyful in all of this. My vision blurs at the immensity of life and all it offers both pleasant and painful. I stand before responsibility with my hands on my hips and my head thrown back as I yell my challange to "BRING IT ON". I cry at night in the hope that someone will hold me close for just a moment. A warm body to anchor me in the spiraling chaos of life. I wake to a blood red sunrise relishing every moment of the emergance of the new day. Stunned by the intensity of the new light, hopeful that the day will be productive and good. I hear music on the wind and in my soul. A song of magic and tears.
I feel too much.
I want so much.
written at 8:39 p.m.
2004-02-16
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