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DEAF EARS

The current mood of greenwitch at www.imood.com

moon phases

"The big talk" part 2 took place tonight. I really wasn't up to the task being all squeaking and tired from the cruddy throat bug I have but....

I brought A. home from school and she asked when daddy will be coming home. I was finishing milking and the phone rang ( I had it with me) and she rushed out of the house to ask who it was (Rocketman, not daddy). It was time to talk again.

The kid misses her daddy really bad. I explained that daddy had to go away to get help so he is not so unhappy and angry and that his unhappiness and angryness(sp?) has nothing to do with her or me. I told her sometimes people feel a deep unhappiness inside their heart and they need to learn why and how to get over it.

She cried in my arms.

I reassured her I am here for her no matter what and that I will always be here for her. I explained that we have many friends who love us and will help us too.

A. wants her daddy.

The only time I cry about all of this is for that sweet little girl. I hate that this is happening to her. I hate that Rainman has let this happen, that he couldn't find a way to redirect himself and not get so damned fucked up.

He calls and says nothing or he says he will call and doesn't. I can't even say to A. that daddy will call tomorrow because I don't know if he will. He said on Friday that he would call today but he didn't. I tried to to tell her that maybe his doctor feels it is better for him to focus on getting better but I know that is so fucking feeble. I left a message for his therapist on Friday morning but she hasn't called me so far. Do they not want to talk to me? ( I know he said it is OK) How can they expect a supportive environment when they discharge someone if they don't communicate? The reason Rocketman called is because he was sitting at work (again) waiting for Rainman to call. The few people who can be supportive are being toyed with. Is it Rainman who chooses not to call or is it circumstances? Obviously no one is telling. Meanwhile an eight year old is crying for her daddy.

Can no one hear it but me?

written at 8:53 p.m.
September 12, 2005

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