FRIENDS
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moon phases � |
Damn I am lucky. I just can't help tearing up over how wonderful it is to have so many beautiful people around me.
Friends.
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The family we wish we had.
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I have a wonderful "family"
Friends who help me set up at the market.
Friends who call to say hi.
Friends who offer to drive A. to school on their way to work.
Friends who come over to help me trim goat feet.
Friends.
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I developed a bad case of squeeky voice last night. Seems there was some sort of trade off, ear for voice. I must have chosen voice. I have been squeeking all day and nearly went to the market in velvet with a feather boa ready to belt out Mercedes Benz and Summertime. I can do me some Jopin covers when I sound like this.
I took A. out to diner tonight and I am afraid she may be catching my little dis-ease. She wanted to go right to bed when we got home. Poor kid was finding the ten minute car ride home uncomfortable. She complained that the care was bouncing too much. I hope she doesn't get the tummy version.
Sleep, we both need sleep. It has been stressful getting through the past couple of weeks. Even though there is the relief that the unpredictablilty of Rainman is removed, there is stress. The future has become something unsure. And, I think, for A, the past has been shaken and cracked leaving her on ground that is not as solid as it once was. A frightening place for an eight year old to stand. I stil need to have another conversation with A. I want her to understand that daddy going away is no one's fault. Not mine or hers, he just had to go get help. I am working toward that conversation. Funny how with young children timing can be so damned important. Bring an important thing up at the wrong time and you may as well be talking to a wall. Get the timing right and it all falls into place with grace.
Please allow me to find grace.
This shit is so fucking hard.
Thank heaven I have friends.
written at 8:11 p.m.
September 10, 2005
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