HEARTBREAK
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moon phases � |
My kid is falling apart or freaking out or has been taken by aliens and that creature I managed to get to go to bed is some droid replacement with a few short circuts. Geeze, this whole homecoming thing is fucking things up BIG TIME.
Like I said last night the kid is picking up on my energy and it just is not good. Not one little bit. I also think that in her little eight year old head and heart she is having her own conflicts about all that is going on. I mean just think.....you're a kid and you are having a pretty good time of things. Yeah, daddy gets angry alot and often doesn't make very consistent decisions but, hey, you're eight and there is always that basket of crayons or bugs to catch and examine. Then one day, a good day, you come home from hiking with mommy and daddy is all funny and doing weird stuff. He says he has to go away and he isn't too clear as to why. The next day daddy seems more strange than normal and he goes away very upset. All that was pretty frightening but then mommy seems OK and in a couple of days it seems it all is OK. Mommy is more calm than she was before and happier too. Mommy is still very very busy but that seems OK. Then daddy calls every day and says he misses you and wants to come home. He makes promises and sends letters. After a while both daddy and mommy say that daddy is coming home soon. Daddy says it will be next week and mommy says it could be but it isn't for sure yet. Mommy seems a bit preoccupied and she talks on the phone. Mommy seems worried about something but what? You are very excited that daddy will be home soon but there is a funny feeling in your belly. Your belly hurts and feels icky. Will daddy come home and do the things he did before he went away? Will daddy be angry, mommy said he was getting help so he wouldn't be so angry. Will daddy want to play. Mommy says daddy will still need to work on getting better. Daddy can carve the pumpkin when he gets home, that will be fun. Will daddy roast the pits so we can eat them...Will mommy and daddy talk to each other... why don't they talk to each other....Oh, and daddy can't have wine it will make him sick again. Daddy has a sickness like gramma....gramma can't have sugar and daddy can't have wine. Will mommy have to take care of daddy like she takes care of gramma...sometimes mommy gets sad about taking care of gramma, will she be sad if she has to take care of daddy. Will mommy be too busy to take care of me......
Good goddess my heart is breaking.
written at 8:51 p.m.
October 01, 2005
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