IN MEMORIUM
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moon phases � |
I am re-"printing" my 9/11/01 entry tonight because I feel it is still so important. I find that the things that I feared that day I fear now only in a more twisted and torn way. The government has done nothing to lead me to believe in them. The machine of big brother information has not stopped churning out headlines to keep the masses fixated on the urgency of the "cause". The towers came tumbling down that morning as I watched on TV. I stood there with tears in my eyes and an animal need to hold my child close bursting my heart. I remember the silence in the sky after that day. The sound of aircraft was foreign and threatening. The birdsong was never more clear in that silence. The blue of the sky never more sweet.
This evening I ponder the horror that is being perpetuated in the name of revenge for that day. The division of sense and megalomania. The fist raised high above the empty head of our commander and chief as he assures us that the terrorists will be stopped.
There was terror in that morning. The terror of knowing that we are not invulnerable. The terror of knowing that we have been told falsehoods to make us feel superior and immune.
Today is there terror? Perhaps the terror of what our government is capable of evoking both here and throughout the world. Not the terror of that day three years ago. Today's terror is the knowing that we have taken the stand of the bully. Beating our freedoms into the dust of a desert land that we want to own.
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9/11/2001
AND THE WORLD CAME TUMBLING DOWN.
Great Goddess, what has been done?! The fragile sanity of a nation has been shattered like the first thin ice on a late fall pond. Everything is distorted. Everything is painful. I hold my baby to me in a desperate embrace, holding her within the sphere of my heart to protect her. She is so new to this world, so trusting of the beauty of life. Not knowing the ugliness that humans can conjure in their hungry souls. I cry so easily today. I cry for the false hope and happiness that we, as americans, think we are entitled to. I cry for the children whose lives have been forever altered by the loved ones they have lost and they can't understand why. WHY, WHY, WHY....
I have stood in the atrium of the world trade center and admired the arched windows and the power of a man made mountain. I have stood between the towers and looked to the sky seeing the curve of their ascent. They are gone. My daughter will not see them. I will probobly never take her to NYC for a very long time, if ever. It is not safe, in both large and small ways. We can trust the trees and wild flowers. We can nearly trust the creatures of the woods, or at least know they have no hate in their hearts. We will stay in the country, we will hope for peace.
Is there a lesson in all this..shall we learn to stop taking everything and throwing life away. Will we watch the docudrama in one year with tears in our eyes, having our memories reprogrammed for us and the history books teaching children without humanity?
I feel hollow and small in a world that is always inhumane but today has become unhuman.
I have a piece of the berlin wall. Was the step taken in the destruction of that icon all in vain? How many died banging themselves against that unmoving obsticle, never to see it fall. Is there a place of grace outside the madness of human ego? Is there a place where no human judges or manipulates others, can there be...
written at 8:49 p.m.
2004-09-11
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