IT BITES
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moon phases � |
I busted my ass talking to people this morning. I called the county guy who does the applications for the community revolving loan progam. I called the cooperative extension person who might know about other funding options. I called the small business corp. to have my self run over the coals in the form of a business plan. I emailed the guy who works at the used dairy equipment place about what is available. I emailed the guy at ag & markets about whether my operation would qualify for a grant progam that proposals need to be in for on 6/28.
I tired mighty hard to get my job back today.
I drove to the store to buy food so A. won't tell me there is nothing to eat in the house. I haven't had time to shop and since I don't have much time to eat I sometimes forget that there needs to be food in the house. As I was driving I wondered at the fact that I don't fuck up more because I ams so stressed out and busy to the point of collapse.
I went to the barn to milk and discovered I fucked up big time. I only had enough grain for the goats for tonight. I will be picking up grain when I drop A at school but that is too late for milking in the morning.
I fell apart people. I lost it. I cried for a long time. I questioned the wisdom in persuing my business when I am so overextended. I felt like I spent my morning in a futile pusuit. I frayed at the seems and dripped all over the damned place.
Rainman went the Mistesses house to borrow grain after discovering that the feed store was closed already. There are a billion things to be done before the inspector arrives in the morning to approve/disapprove my home kitchen for minor food production. I am exhausted and depressed. My day tomorrow is a marathon of running to my dad's appointments, the inspector visit, A's play, and possibly the delivery of my new milking machine. I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning. I feel too whipped.
Did I mention the monster hatch of flies? Yeah, that too.
written at 8:55 p.m.
June 01, 2005
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