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MENO-PAUSE

The current mood of greenwitch at www.imood.com

moon phases

Well, I sit here reading journals after a meeting at A's school and apparently I didn't get out of the way quick enough. Twice I heard creaking footsteps behind me. Twice no acknowlegement or words. Rainman could have asked me about the parent evening at the school. He could have said something as he walked into the room to see if I am off the computer (my 'puter). No. No words, no life. Just a life form existing in a familiar space. No connection......

This is beginning to sound like a private folder entry.....

Then again maybe not.

I can't bleed. Have you ever had that happen? All my friends are having too much bleeding. Every two weeks bleeding. Premenopausal bleeding. Me, I can't bleed. Not since November. A few drops maybe, but nothing more. Cortisols. That is what does it. Stess hormones that block the normal feedback mechanism of FSH and LH. I am stressed to the point that I have no more flow. I need a plumber with a rooting device to come in and clear a path from pituatary to pelvis.

Oops, too much information.

Think this goes in the private folder?

Nah, go ahead and google it folks. Find out that you can actually practice effective bith control by just getting so fucking stressed you can't bleed anymore.

I am seeing red. A flood of blood in front of my eyes. A sea of screams I can't swim. I struggle and I splash but I can't stop the wave.

Exhaustion, a cold, the flu. Not. Just the pain of a train of events without vent that stop my tears. Leave me limp and incomplete.

I stop but don't drop. White faced and unlaced.

Get me out of this place.

written at 10:08 p.m.
February 15, 2006

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