MERCY IN A MERCILESS WORLD
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moon phases � |
Why is it that healthcare workers and most other folks can't respect that the body in their care is occupied?
Is that a difficult concept? What am I missing here?
I started my day with a call from the homecare nurse who was concerned about my mother and felt she should be "evaluated" (read made uncomfortable for many hours)at the emergency room. She had made such an impression on my mom's aide that she went ahead and called for the ambulance without first consulting me.
I went a bit ballistic. I was fairly offended that I was right upstairs and I was not involved in the decision. For fuck's sake people please think before acting......(besides I am the woman's healthcare proxy)
Bottom line is my mother is turning ninety in a couple of weeks. She has had MS since before I was born and is diabetic. She is virtually paralyzed and has little control over most bodily functions. The one thing she can do is clamp her mouth shut and refuse to eat or drink and that is exactly what she has been doing for the past few days.
She spoke clearly to me for the first time in a year or more Friday evening to say "I can't do this anymore"
She was not uncomfortable. She was slipping in and out of sleep and refusing to open her mouth for food, drink, or meds. So everyone wanted to fix her.
I stopped them. I sent the paramedics away. I called her doctor and we did a urine culture (she had the poops last week and probably has an infection)I coaxed some orange juice into her. She took some but then refused. She is in there somewhere and she is very tired.
Her blood sugar was very low this evening. She took a little broth and the doctor prescribed and antibiotic for the urine infection. She will probably perk up a bit when the infection clears. For a while. Not too long, I hope. Poor thing needs to rest and move on.
I feel so fucking alone. So fucking broken and sad.
But, I know I am right to honor her and allow her the little dignity that may be possible.
Say a prayer to Kwan yin for mercy and love.
Thank you.
written at 8:54 p.m.
November 21, 2005
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