WANDERING THROUGH MIST
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moon phases � |
I woke up this morning more tired than when I went to bed last night. I swept and vacuumed this morning. The rest of the day was a series of ideas of what I could do that kind of drifted through my conciousness and then left without me getting up out of my chair. No energy or motivation included in today.
My gut is telling me that the tiredness and lack of motivation are an acute reaction to "everything". "Everything" being the combined effects of five long months of non-stop work, the stress of a crappy relationship, the stress of being the only resposible adult available to parent one beautiful little girl, being the only one to do any regular maintanence around the house, being the filling of the family resposnibility sandwich, and dealing with the damage done by Rainman going off to rehab for five weeks. The bottom just plain old fell out on me. I guess today was the day I could afford to fall apart. School was closed and I just put everything else on hold for the day. Tomorrow I am at A's school for most of the day so I better be over this.
I am a bit overwhelmed by the fact that Rainman does less around the house now, as a sober person, than he did when he was drinking like a fish. The only thing he does with any regularity is the dishes. Yard work is left, the trash is left, repairs of any sort are left. Is there a big "S" on my chest that I missed? No wonder I am so tired.
Enough complaining. I better get some sleep so I can handle a room full of eight year olds tomorrow.
written at 8:18 p.m.
November 08, 2005
Miss something?
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- - November 24, 2007