VERY PARENTHETICAL
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moon phases � |
I may not be getting sick. I didn't feel too great this morning but as the day wore on I got a bit better. I think the hectic schedule over the past week just got the best of me. I still need more sleep to really put thing right though.
Part of my not feeling well was not just physical. This time of year really puts emphasis on the less than dandy parts of life. I find myself doing all the holiday prep and being the social coordinator. That on top of the usual load of doing everything both indoors and out. All that coupled (HA!) with the lack of an emotional life and support through the stresses of my business dilemma and the complexity of making sure my parents have the medical care they need leaves me feeling pretty damned depressed. I went to a counseling session today and the topic was what to do about my relationship (lack of it) with Rainman. The bottom line, which I have been aware of for a long time, is either live with it as it is or divorce the guy. There is a slight chance that he would make an effort to change his behaviour and the situation might improve but that seems like a "pie in the sky" scenerio. The general feeling is it makes sense to wait until after the holidays and then give him the opprotunity to get some counseling and put some energy into fixing things and if he doesn't follow through I must then make a decision for myself and A.
Stress. Its everywhere. I got virtually nothing done while Rocketman was visiting because Rainman was either at work or (finally) cleaning the barn (lousy social activity for a houseguest). I am now trying to sort things out and still get the extra holiday stuff done. I really only have next week for holiday prep that needs to be hidden from A. since next friday is her last day of school and then she is home for two weeks. I did wrap most of her stuff yesterday morning so that is helpful but I still have a couple of odds and ends to take care of. I have to just try to take things one at a time and with any luck it will get done. If it doesn't I guess we will live.
I am looking forward to the cookie marathon and we should get some visiting in also and then the holidays will be over for another year. Good and bad, like most things.
I better stop before I become too glum (that is a funny looking word!) and get some more sleep.
written at 8:25 p.m.
2004-12-09
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