WAITING FOR THE SANDMAN
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moon phases � |
The guestbook is working again it seems.
I want to thank all of you for your words and cyberhugs. This has been some seriously tough shit.
I didn't sleep again last night. I thought sure I would have though. I had a bit of wine and a few doses of St. John's wort. That is usually a formula for deep sleep and a potential dazed and confused type hangover the next day. Instead I went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 1am and didn't sleep much past that. I did doze a bit near morning though. Somewhere around the little bit of dozing I heard my mother say my name. Nothing more than that. It was quite clear and very real. Perhaps I was waiting up for her and didn't realize it.
Today has been better in the sense that it was a bit more normal. There was no school because of the ice this morning so A. and I helped my dad decorate his treee. He seemed to do OK with it. He mentioned some things my mother would have enjoyed about what we were doing and the xmas music we had playing. It wasn't easy to stay focused given how tired I am today. the week of little sleep is taking its toll. I did cook dinner tonight which is good. The take out that I didn't really feel like eating was getting very worn out. I made aloo panir that came out very good with sticky rice cooked with cardamom pods. I feel sleepy now but who knows if I will sleep. I hope so.
Good night.
written at 8:49 p.m.
December 16, 2005
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