RAT IN A MAZE
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moon phases � |
Too much to do with too low a fun factor. I had so many busy things to do today and I have more tomarrow and I don't feel like any of it. I took A to her playgroup at the waldorf school this morning which is normaly very relaxing but I just couldn't focus. After that we came home and I had to go right back out to look a potential new (to me) car since my 13 year old honda is starting to get very cranky. Having a reliable car is very very important. I need a broom to fly out of here on as needed. I can't afford any car right now but my father is willing to spring for it I guess since he feels obligated because we take no money from him for living here. After that was a string of gotta do errands and phone calls that didn't allow me to sit down for the rest of the day. First thing tomarrow I will drive to the paint store so I can get paint for the inside of the house at 25% off. After that it is off to meet Magrit for a children's book author event at a local book store. This is to be immediately followed by complete collapse.
I need some exercise. I am out of shape.
This is the second friday in a row that rainman has been off and he hasn't acted on or acknowledged that A asked him to go to "school" with her. I wonder if he remembers anything for more than a few minutes ( with the exception of certain ancient facts he holds onto irrationally). I can't mediate his realtionship with his daughter. He will get exactly what he cultivates. I do feel it is unfair to A that he is so elusive and unpredictable. As expected there is still no sign of a relationship between rainman and myself. He would make a good monk.
Spring is trying to kick in and I feel that surge of returning energy to be creative and outside and alive. I am going to try not to be crushed by the crappy state of affairs with rainman and make plans and do things with A and live. Life is too short for all this bullshit. Mamma bear wants to make plans to go to some kid sites this summer and stay away for a day or two. Sounds good to me. I will just have to come up with support for my parents so I can go with a clear head. I may also try to go to laughing rock farm for a day for some spirit healing woman energy.
No one is going to take care of me but me.
written at 08:40 p.m.
2001-03-23
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