EMAIL FROM A "POET"
|
moon phases � |
I am sooooooo angry with feeling like shit that I feel like stepped in shit - uuuugghhhh! If I could just get through a night without waking up feeling like some one is using a voodoo doll pin on the back of my throat, I would just purr like a kitten.
Rainman left me an email today. A paragraph about how much he wants "our" life back. A poem too, yes a poem. How can anyone take a poem written by a fiction writer seriously? I am very tempted to cut and paste it right here. Not to really save it or anything, I sent it to the deleted folder as soon as I read it. I would put it here partially as a betrayal of trust - that would be fair after he has lied to me for years. I would also do it to set an example of how much violin music can be generated by the guilty party in a decayed relationship. Maybe someone would read this and realize the roses and promises will wilt in a matter of days no matter how sweet the presenter seemed at the time.
Oh, I forgot to mention that Rainman's note mentioned something about wanting to have a nice valentines day or trying to make things better for valentines day. With him change is always something in the future, something that is tried but never accomplished.
As Yoda once said, "There is no try. Do or do not..."
Well, here it is. I just couldn't stop my mouse from clicking it over hear.
FOR JOYCE
I watch you, always
When you�re not looking
I watch you.
You look, and I avert my eyes
You look away
And the watcher returns
�What have I done� he thinks.
I love you, so I watch you
I watch you when you talk to our child
And I admire you
I watch you on the phone
And I respect you
I watch you getting dressed
And I want you
I watch you
Watching me the same way,
Or so I hope.
And I love you.
God, how I love you
What have I done
To this love?
How can I undo what�s been done?
Can I make you love me again?
Can we be �Us� again?
This is my one goal,
My obsession
I was lost in a miasma of sorrow
I just want my wife back
I want my hand on your knee
In the car without worry
That you might not like it
My lips on yours, without tension.
My body entwined with yours
The Magick we had
Without thought.
I want the future
Without the past
I want YOU again
Like when it hurt to be away
from you
For even a moment.
I want you back,
I hope you want me.
I hope.
I guess he doesn't realize that when I look at him I am looking for signs of inebriation. I am only somewhat disturbed by his blantant statements of not knowing what went wrong. I know he is in la-la land much of the time but shit he is male. Shouldn't the fact that we haven't made love in over a year make an impression. I already know anything I say goes in one ear and out the other, jeeze. He says he wants the future without the past. Well, honey, I am changing rapidly. What is new with you?
I could beat this into the ground but I need to sleep and get rid of ole' captain trips.
Good night.
written at 8:06 p.m.
2002-02-04
Miss something?
- - January 26, 2009
- - May 26, 2008
- - April 09, 2008
- - January 21, 2008
- - November 24, 2007