UMMM, FOUND A MINUTE
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moon phases � |
UMMM, FOUND A MINUTE.
Went to Mamma Bear's family xmas party this afternoon. It was no easy task getting there. I had planned out the cookie making to precision. I figured if we made a variety of cookie dough this morning we could bake the cookies tomorrow and then decorate the following day. A less stress way of doing it, it seemed. Then three quarters of the way into the first recipe my hand held mixer has a melt down. Well, my arms won't tolerate mixing by hand ( which I have done for years) so I panic. I called Kirsten convinced that she was making cookies and I could'nt borrow a machine. Damn, she was painting her bedroom. Her commercial mixer was available. I got those cookie doughs done in no time and we got out of the house to visit Mamma Bear.
now let me regress for a moment about Mamma Bear. I have been friends with this girl/woman since the fourth grade. We are now both forty three years old. That is a bloody long time. We are family in many ways - both good and bad. I am an only child and Mamma Bear is one of my "sisters". For better or worse we are stuck together. We actually didn't talk or see each other for years and then we just picked up again without a hitch. I can find a million things about the woman that bug me but.... go figure. So, we haven't seen each other alot over the past while because she has two kids, ten and thirteen, and I have one kid who is six and a half. We are both busy. She is a single mom who went through hell to find her life. I am a bitch who needs to do the same. Mamma Bear has many siblings, a sister and two brothers. I know them, they know me along with Mamma Bear's Mom. It is strange to walk into this gathering. I am not family but the core people have known me since we were kids and have known me through most of the stuff in between.
Anyway, I got all kinds of gossip about folks I haven't heard of or seen in ages. I saw some of the inate disfunction of this family hard at work. I had fun. I saw Mamma Bears daughter, now thirteen, who I love as much as my own daughter and scolded her about not seeing each other in so long. I recalled wild teenage antics with the brothers along with parenting stories and outrages at how the "world" has changed. I was out of place in most ways but OK in many others. My philosophy is so remote and foreign that these folks would never figure it out if I mentioned it. But in some stange way they are family or a window into a family I don't have and will never have. I am an only. My daughter is an only.
We are a Rock We are an Island.
But we have friends and we probobly tolerate things that families would rather not. But then I tolerate alot that others might not because I only want to see the hope and love in others.
Is it wrong to help my daughter to see the hope in others??? She does naturally. Cynicism is not natural.
written at 9:07 p.m.
2003-12-21
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