CAN'T EVEN BLEED
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moon phases � |
I will try to be rational.
I do not feel much better than I did last night. This week has been very disappointing. It pretty much kicked in that things were not going well last weekend. Rainman was off from work and did one of his disappearing acts. After he returned his behavior went pretty much as expected. He snapped at me when I tried to initiated a conversation about something that seemed unreasonable to me. Then, from what I gathered from A., he went off and cried in the bedroom and basically scarred A. She made a couple of comments to me and I figured things out pretty easily.
For the next several days it was silence and distance. Each day rainman comes home from work. Eats the food I prepare and sits starring into the tube.
Does last night's entry make sense now?
Not to worry, it gets better.
Yesterday rainman was off. I took A. to school and did some hanging around. When we got home in the afternoon rainman was not home. When he got home he promptly left again. He came home with some cruddy flowers and a bottle of wine. (I see him walking into a liquor store for his own reasons, not to be kind to me.) Nothing else, just some lame statement about he doesn't know why he does what he does. ( Does he even know what he does??)
I am seriously thinking about my new year resolution.
A. asked me the other morning if I am still mad at daddy. She shouldn't even have to think about that or anything else. She is having trouble going to sleep. She is showing alot of angry behavior.
My heart is aching.
My fists are clenched.
I am a couple of days late in bleeding. I think even my womb is clenched. Nothing can flow.
Stagnation.
written at 8:50 p.m.
2001-12-13
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