ENOUGH SAID
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moon phases � |
My throat is scratchy. This is not fair. I cannot get sick, I just can't.
I spoke to Rocketman today which was quite enlightening. Apparently Rainman's sister is under the impression that I have been holding Rainman prisoner and effectively preventing him from having any social life whatsoever.
That is a funny thing to say about me. Me, who can't get through a day without talking to at least one of my friends. And if the phone is busted and there is a blizzard I always have all of you to talk to.
I mean really, ME, ANTISOCIAL? You must be kidding.
I kind of take offense that Rainman was using me as his excuse not to see his family. I have writen about his not seeing his family in years and the fact that his dad died just about two years ago but he told me there was no service and his sister told him the house was such a mess he shouldn't bother coming.
But I have been holding him in social isolation.
Apparently he was also checking with his sister to see if there may be space at their family home should he need it.
I always thought he would have been happier drowining himself in the dark dank room he grew up in.
I am not very generous tonight am I?
I was blatently honest with Rocketman about my need to protect A. above all else. If Rainman returns and behaves badly I will do what I have to to protect her. Many women would be drawing up the divorce papers in anticipation of his discharge from rehab so I suppose he should be counted fortunate. I haven't done that.
Yet.
I am finding this whole exercise quite enlightening. I have discovered that I do give a shit about many things. I can feel happy, satisfied and useful. All without a cloud of dispair hanging over head. I have my doubts about being able to go back to a situation that doesn't allow me to truely live. A. deserves a mother who is whole at the very least and I won't let the little bit of progress we have made be taken away or overshadowed by Rainman being needy.
I did not make him an alcoholic and it is not my job to cure him of it.
Enough said.
written at 8:49 p.m.
September 06, 2005
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