SOME SUN AND THEN DONE
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moon phases � |
Well today was a really nice day.
Until this evening.
I pushed through the past couple of day to free up time today. A. really needs to have a parent who is looking directly at her some of the time. I had intended to take her to the little water park across the river but I am so bone tired I was afraid I would get a headache and fall over on her. I will try to do that with her next week. So today we made water and oil candles and hung out by the pool. It was very nice and A. really seemed to be enjoying the time together.
I had left two pots of chevre to hang up this evening and intended to put another seven or so gallons on for another batch of chevre. Too bad I had foolishly expected that Rainman could pick up the ice I would need for the process. Today was day three of his being absent from the house for at least fourteen hours then coming home to disappear behind a closed door. Silly of me to think he could pick up the ice. I should always plan for doing things myself. I just thought today I could give A. some attention....
Anyway... right around the time I was flinging some dinner onto the table I called K. back because i didn't take the phone out by the pool. Well somehow we got into the sad fact that I am running out of steam and there is no help for it. I haven't gotten too deeply into the details before with K. We are dear friends but we have been friends first in creative energy and the farmer's market. Not to say it isn't personal with us, it is. I just hadn't gotten into the details. Sometimes the details need to not be a part of it so there is something untainted in my life. Things are at a point thought were anyone who looks at me will know that something is very wrong. I often look as tired and stressed as I feel and people who know me will catch it the fastest. It seemed time that K. have a little more information so she isn't wondering if I am falling off my rocking horse.
I didn't need my nice pool vibe erased by my bad assumption that some ice could be brought home and the fact that I had to speak truths that make my stomach clench.
Someone commented to a buddy recently that it is better to be from a broken home than to live in one.....
It dawned on me this eveing why some women stay in a shit marriage for the child(ren). Better to keep a roof over the kid's head while it is needed and then get reamed by the system when they are safely at college than to risk moving the kid into a cardboard box under a highway overpass.
Two valid ways of looking at it.....
I have decided that when school resumes I will be getting references for an attorney and do some serious information gathering.
written at 10:32 p.m.
August 01, 2007
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