TALLY HO
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moon phases � |
I am having a very depressed day. The past few days have been very tiring. Saturday I painted the whole kitchen by myself. It was a total drag job but it looks good. Sunday, mother's day, I tried to rest but ended up doing some things and cleaned the house after rainman painted the ceiling in the living/dining room. Rainman got me a foot bath for mother's day and it would have been nice to use it in a relaxed way but he just couldn't handle keeping A's attention so I ended up having her put her little feet in it. I guess I should be grateful, last year I got nothing for mother's day. Yesterday I did the yard and had to do the parts that I usually use the small mower on with the weed wacker because the mower needs a part. This was a tough job since the wacker is made for a person much taller than myself. My arms are beat.
Last night rainman sort of started a conversation. He asked me what I think of him writing and getting his stories published. He then took the question back. I just said something about sometimes doing something you like as a job can take some of the fun out of it. I said this from experience. He said my taking photos for the newspaper is not the same since I was being told what pictures to take. Wrong!! I chose, composed and printed photos based on loose guidelines of what was desirable for a story. I was not edited in anyway, I cropped and chose the shot(s) to be printed. He gets very nasty when he doesn't hear what he wants to hear or something. Then he suddenly changed the subject to goats and started saying things like what am I trying to do and what would be so good for A in having the animals. He cant see the benefit of a child seeing the life cycle and having another example of independence from mass market food. He made a remark about having a bunny and a bird and why do we need a menagarie. He forgets that when he showed up on my doorstep with his belongings twenty years ago I had 4 gerbils, a chinchilla, 2 cats, 2 aquariums and about 30 plants in a one bedroom apartment. We do not have a menagarie! He also made a remark about my parents not having animals and I turned out OK. This comment goes with the "I watched violent shows when I was a kid and I am not a serial killer" remark I got when I stated my feelings about video violence and A.
If I were to die tomarrow rainman would feed A twinkies while she watched WWF on pay per view. I must live a long life.
He could be honest and just say how he feels he doesn't have to make nasty exagerated statements.
A list....
I am a vegetarian who shops organic. He is a carnivore who shops shoprite for coldcuts and bacon.
I am a concious parent. He is a reluctant parent.
I am looking for a simple honest life. He is looking for a quick fix.
I state the truth even when it may not want to be heard. He says what he thinks I want to hear regardless of if it is truth.
I do the best that I can even if it is inconvienent or uncomfortable. He does what ever is quick and easy to get by.
I need regular human contact and adult conversation. He would rather live alone in a hidden cave.
I am very visual. He sees almost nothing.
I dont think we have much in common at this point. I could go on, but why bother. He has been treating me the same way a teenager would treat their mother for too damn long. Hide it under the bed and say whatever will get her off your back, seems to be the prime directive when he deals with me.
On top of all this glorious stuff, my mom's home health aide is a ditzy unrealiable pain in the ass. The girl has been out more than she is in lately. She has two kids and is going to family court ala divorce but come on. She needs the paycheck supposidly but it sure don't show. So of course my dad gets pissed and takes it out on everyone and I can't go anywhere already but I am really stuck when the aide isn't in.... and A has a cold and is very cranky.
No wonder I am depressed.
written at 8:20 p.m.
2001-05-15
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