FALLING INTO THE DARK
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moon phases � |
I am deeply depressed right now.
How long do I have to struggle to end the lonliness? It has been years since there was any companionship in the crippled rubble of my marriage. No conversation. No moral support. No warmth or encouragement. No laughter.
The ugly bastard will not go away. He is now stooping to saying ugly things to A. Granted he is showing her his true colors and she will formulate her opinion of him from that, but should a ten year old have to see how absolutely nasty an adult can be? I admit that in the depths of my emotional pit I too have said things in front of A. that I shouldn't have. It breaks my heart that she has to see me cry in frustration and lonliness but there are times when I just can't help it and I have no place to hide.
My father is having more frequent boughts of forgetfulness and confusion. Last night he was confused as to which sticker on his car is the registration and which the inspection. He was convinced that the inspection, which expires next month, was the registration and couldn't fathom why the paper registration in his wallet didn't match that sticker's expiration date. When I pointed out that the sticker in question is the inspection he became angry and very negative.
I went to the barn to cry.
I really don't know if I can handle the slow failing of another parent alone.
And raise a child. And run a fledgling business. And......
GOOD GODDESS GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS!
written at 10:50 a.m.
June 21, 2007
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